Take me out of the blue

It is so normal to feel depressed sometime, isn’t it?

Well, it was a question… might sounds like a pathetic one, but I seriously want to hear from you – it is relieving to have it confirmed that I am not the only one in this planet who has this problem. So…. Do you sometime feel blue out of nothing?

Okay, maybe I was wrong about the absence of reasons, anyway I found that they don’t really matter. Most of them are stuffs I prefer to keep for myself – so indulging them to other person in search of answers is out of question.

Anyway, I am about to confess you my little secret …about things I do when I have a mood swing, or worse yet… depression!

When I have a really bad one, I’ll change my appearance. But it was usually going unnoticed because my victim is normally covered. My hair!
It has been cut pretty short, very short and extremely short. Once I wanted to shave it clean… but I feared it won’t grow fast enough and I have to look like a monk for years. FYI, I have been with a quite long hair for years… that’s a good sign of the absence of a fatal desperado.
BTW, if you are planning to apply this measure, I’ll suggest to also use some variations like coloring and curling. It’s good to look lovely, even if you’re the only one who’s gonna enjoy it.

Another trick I love to do is to call an old friend, a meeting will be better. Do you know that people are getting wiser as they grow older? There were reasons why you were attached to a particular friend, and you can expect more when you meet this friend years later. Even if there were misunderstandings that caused the close relationship ended abruptly, reconciliation would heal the past wound – as well as your presently wounded soul.

Other than those, well when I am troubled I always call my mom… though usually we ended up talking about the last "arisan keluarga" and I chose not to spill my headache (due to my mom’s health situation)…. listening to my mom voice could ease my misery. If I seriously need to vent, then I’ll call one of my big sista. That’s what they are for

Else…. uhmmm sing aloud with karaoke, ride my bike up and down the hilly road, take a long walk and stop by a masjid – spend hours there praying, clean up the bookshelf and find something to read, else?

Another episode of life

In a recent phone conversation with an old friend, she questioned my decision to be a stay-at-home mom, “Are you sure?”

My answer was a “yes, I am” but I let a little doubt slipped off, for I am just an ordinary woman. I am still longing for many luxuries that only working woman can afford. Let’s name it…. first is – perhaps – recognition? Second would be money. Third let’s say exposure. Fourth could be freedom, I know you are about to argue this… but trust me as much as working moms complain about having no time, many stay-at-home moms grumble about feeling trapped in a big box called house.

And sometimes, all I want is having a normal conversation with an adult like what I often had during lunch with my office mates. Spend your day talking to two cutie pies could drive you nut.

Anyway, a big decision is not proven until it is challenged. Today, I got a call which was literally a job offer. In a different scenario, that would be a job I dream of. Indeed, it is still a chance I dare not to miss, yet I close my eyes and ask for strength before saying I am sorry to decline the offer.

Then I excused myself to leave the children at home with my assistant, and drove my car out. I needed time to be alone, to talk with my inner self, to ensure that I have the control over my life and my happiness is my self-responsibility, that whatever path I choose – I always has a full chance to be happy.

I spoke loudly to myself that the basis of my decision to stay at home is my two children. I might not be a perfect mom, but I am working hard to be one. I will stand by them until they have to go their own way, and by that time I am sure I will be contented knowing I have taken the right decision.

Happy New Year 2008 (about Resolution)

Do you read the "IPTEK" column from Kompas today? It is an interesting article about Resolution in accordance with natural phenomenon.

Anyway, first let me greet you and wish you a HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!

I am sure many were disappointed by the rain on the New Year eve. I spent the evening helping Mila to write her 2008 Resolution before we join the neighborhood celebrating the moment with fireworks and "rolling goat" – haha such a funny phrase.

The first day of 2008, I spent some hours finalizing our family’s 2008 Resolution – based on the draft my dear hubby sent the night before.

Well, I am not gonna write here about what we wish for the next year – I would rather tell you why a New Year’s resolution is a must for me and my hubby, and why we introduced it early to Mila.

I bet you already knew about Rhonda Byrne’s famous work – The Secret. One of the secrets revealed was about the law of attraction. Somehow, long before I watched The Secret – I have been putting it into practices but unaware of the power.

I believed that whatever I dream of, I will reach it someday and somehow. My life has been filled with the results of my strong belief…

I finished my undergrad study when I was 23, got a job shortly after, got married at 24, and have two adorable children before 30. Just as I wished.

I dreamt of going abroad and got a scholarship for my grad study… and I got what I want.

When I was in a cold day in North Germany, alone and lonely, I wished I have a chance to live abroad with my family… not in Europe it was way too cold. I was thinking about United States. You bet what I got? A year in Texas, with my family.

And many more… and I am so grateful for everything the Lord has given to me.

A new year’s resolution is our way to keep focus on our family’s targets. We wrote down our dreams there, prepare the plan to make them happen, then look up to the sky and pray….