I think I am a nerd :)

Many times in my life I felt that I am sort of a geek. In any situation I hardly could fit in. Well, I’d rather say I am having a chronic self-confidence problem – but history might be able to reveal why was it so.

Since I went to High School, I repeatedly entered a new environment – and bigger than the one before. As usual, this situation might bring a destructive effect to one’s insecurity. I moved from a small town to a Makassar the capital city, enrolled to a school where most of everybody else had their own circle of friends. Later on I found my own circle of buddies, but I retained the feeling of being an alien.

Three years later – still in my teen age – I moved to a bigger city. Bandung, while might not be bigger than Makassar but it has a seemingly more sophisticated air. The same feeling – as when I just stepped my feet on Makassar – returned and trapped me in. I had a disastrous first semester indicated by failures in exams. But I survived – and unlike my high school memory – I am happy to revisit all the things that happened during my Bandung time.

I got another opportunity to feel like a nerd when I was in Germany (lha iya lah…). As if being an Asian whose skin in a darker tone was not enough, being very short and skinny plus wearing headscarf gave plenty of excuses for the people to stare. That was the time when I used to say…. if only looks can kill….

Pretty much the same situation when we were in Houston, but this time instead of staring, people there had enough courage to speak out their astonishment. But that was okay since I also had the courage to reply coz I definitely can speak English. (I never master German which is why I won’t be able to answer if they ever ask)

Afterall, I am still a nerd… sort of, but I am grateful that I met wonderful friends – those who had been the best company despite of my imperfections.