Come Home now, honey…

Well, if you just go back to my previous written thought titled "Your spouse is your bestfriend?" or something sounds like that…. naaaa this is just another episode

Well again, my hubby has been in his 2 weeks field trip since last week – I don’t wanna cry baby but honestly that is the thing I want to do most. I wanna cry baby and tell him – honey I miss you and I need you here, a.s.a.p!!!

I probably couldn’t retain my self-dignity in this matter, but pleasee… just give me a break. It’s been a tough week, not that I had to face one or even more problems… but how can I explain it to you. It’s just an empty feeling, resulted from the absence of the person who used to inspire, motivate or at least give me a laugh with his silly talk.

(I am not complaining, but it is so hard not only that he is not here physically, but he is so "far" to be reached by phone)

With a few "to do things" in my list – guess what!! Sure, none of them is accomplished, abandoned mid-way and forgotten.

The only good thing I can be proud of – my only accomplishment this week – is that my sweet daughter has just inaugurated me as her best teacher. I can tell you that this is much rewarding than got an A from my favorite lecturer – Olav Hohmeyer!!!

-bye, it is time for our afternoon walk-

A mother to a daughter

Mila and I have a new habit – watching Disney movies. I love the movies as they are touching and inspiring, encouraging to pursue one’s dream, and ensuring that one can be whatever they want if they work hard for it.

Well, one of the movie has brought Mila to a conclusion that she is going to be an ice skater

Apart from the quality in the movie, the time I spent only with Mila is more than precious. That was the time when I can give my attention only for her, let her cuddle, talk with her, laugh with her, and feel deep inside how much I love her. For a long time I’ve been burdening myself with guilt for not giving her enough love and hugs when she was younger, when I was too busy after my own pursuits.

For that reason, I am taking every chance I have to hug her, to listen to her, to love her…. and to let her know I love her so much. After years she has grown up to be a wonderful girl who keeps suprising me with her thoughtfulness. I may not be a perfect mom, but I am striving to be a better one. And I have my only daughter as my inspiring and heartwarming angel.

- in between my struggle to fall asleep -

On being a mother, I learn…

While the traffic was in its most dangerous state and my little girl was being a chatter box, I occasionally told her to be quiet because I needed to concentrate. Right after that, I thought how pity my daughter to have such a thoughtless mom – she was just expressing herself, something I actually encourage her to do. Well, I did a mistake, which then I tried to fix by asking her what she wanted to tell me. Feeling bad, and even worse – as she just cheerfully continued telling me her story and did not show any sign of being upset or mad at me. Oh my….

Must admit I loose my temper easily. Being a mother, I learn the wisdom and the patience from my daughter – who seems to always understand when mommy shows high tempered manners.

When I was busy with something (either laundry, or cooking or computer or just newspaper), my little boy came several times – back and forth – begging me to fix his computer games (usually the wireless connection went down and he can’t open the game website). I would either tell him to play with his other toys (come on you have plenty others to play with!!! enough with computer games!!!). Or – I would tell him to ask his big sissy to fix it for him. Anything but me stopping whatever I was doing to do him the favor – even though I know it would not take more than 2 minutes of my too precious time.

But then… one day I was feeling so low and frustated, I sat on the kitchen floor and started crying quietly for no particular reason. My little boy found me – after checking the other rooms – he stood there and puzzled. Then slowly, he was putting down all the toys he had in his hands to the floor, approaching me, kissing my wet cheek, and then sitting next to me hugging my arm until I stopped weeping.

My little boy knows better than I – that his toys are not important when his mother needs help. In his big heart, he taught me what it means to love. Oh I feel ashamed on how selfish I’ve been.

On being a mother, I learn….